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Step 9 is All About Action
Alcoholics Anonymous is a 12-Step program designed to help participants achieve and maintain sobriety by attending regular meetings and working through each of the 12 Steps in sequence. Here, we’ll explore Step 9 of AA, how to complete this step, how to find a 12-Step recovery support group, and how you can find a treatment program that meets your needs. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.
Freedom: Moving On From Step Nine Of AA Alcoholics Anonymous
And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises. What happens when an attempt to correct your wrongs may cause further harm? For instance, substance use impacts a parent’s relationships with their children, but making amends to them should never be in a language or explanation which is beyond their comprehension. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key. If willingness isn’t there yet, the program encourages asking a Higher Power for guidance until that willingness arises.
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- Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
- Get rid of that guilt; apologize, make your amends and let go of them.
- Of course, if you can make direct amends you should do so; this is why having a sponsor or advisor to help give you direction is so important.
- They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.
The complexity of individual situations is why consulting with sponsors and professionals can assist greatly in your recovery process. By making direct amends to the person harmed the temptation to skirt the issue because of embarrassment or pain is avoided. Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, living amends and that’s great!
How to Find a 12-Step AA Program
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- Indirect Amends – finding ways to repair damage that cannot be reversed or undone by doing things like volunteering and helping others.
- Making amends can also reduce stress, by addressing past wrongs may prevent future conflicts that could jeopardize sobriety.
- Twelve-Step amends for many of us will remain an open or ongoing process.
- Sometimes, we hurt people beyond the repair of that relationship.
When you have taken ownership of the harm you caused and given a genuine apology, you must let go of that responsibility if it is not accepted. Other times, we cannot make direct 12-Step amends, such as when the other person has passed away or a business has closed. Personal advice is always helpful when we are trying to judge a situation. If you stole something from someone you cannot reasonably return the item to, you could simply resolve not to steal again from others as part of your long-term recovery goals.
Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you. Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it! It takes strength and courage to own up to our mistakes, and when necessary, make restitutions.
Because he is a member of a support group that stresses the importance of anonymity at the public level, he does not use his photograph or his real name on this website. I also realized that in my childhood, that I had blamed my Dad for things my Mom actually caused by trying to get him to stop drinking. For years he had been drinking and she started later in my life, so I also blamed his actions for making her drink. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. When it comes to making amends to others, there are usually a lot of fears and expectations involved. We may be afraid about making financial amends, or afraid of rejection, retaliation and a host of other doubtful outcomes. However, making amends doesn’t always have to be a nerve-racking, dreadful or joyless experience.
Even with exemplary conduct on your part, everything can still go “wrong.” This is why wishing for a particular outcome is unhelpful. You may learn that your offense is easily forgiven and long forgotten. Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul.
